Welcome to LET PERFECT BURN

Oh my God, it's finally here!

I am so, so proud that I am launching this podcast, a creation that began as an idea during recovery after a mental health crisis. Now Let Perfect Burn is a lifeline to me that I believe in more than anything else I have ever done as a professional, working artist.

In this episode, I will bring you my story, how Let Perfect Burn was born and my mission in its creation.

Some highlights in this Episode from me:

"It is extremely hard for a perfectionist to need to go to the hospital for something so often seen in society as something not to be discussed. And at this point, I take 3-4 medications just to function, and not always very well. And that can feel tough and shameful like, 'What the heck? Why do I need all this just to be in the world?'"

"But I will say... As hard as it's been and as hard as it may continue to be, I really love this person I am now. She's a lot braver. She's so much more real. She still really struggles, but she is getting better at letting people in."

"And it is my hope that in all of the voices you hear, you find a moment here or there that makes you feel seen, and heard. And gives you hope. And makes you believe, that when you let perfect burn, what's left is really, really beautiful."

Don't miss a beat.
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https://www.instagram.com/letperfectburn/

Transcript

Tara Beckett: 0:11

Hi, I'm Tara Beckett and this is let perfect burn. The home I grew up in was full of so much love, as well as pain, and chaos. And somewhere along the line, I learned that I could protect myself from this pain in chaos by putting all of my messy feelings away in a box, hiding them from myself and from the world. The woman visible to the outside world, showed that there was nothing she couldn't do nothing, she couldn't achieve nothing she couldn't hold.

Unknown: 1:17

The woman inside of me was a mess. This woman felt rage, grief, emptiness, longing. I buried her deep in the ground. There, I figured she would stay quiet. And this way of living benefited me for a long, long time. I was always getting attention for my achievements, for my endless generosity for seeming to be able to handle so much more than those around me. And this fed my idea that perfectionism was my friend, and something I needed to prove my worth in this world. To the outside world, it looked like I always had everything I could ever need. And no matter what was thrown my way, I would take it on and handle it and all come out on the other side on scape. But in the fall of 2021, something snapped. That woman I buried deep in the ground, wanted out. And 24 hours a day. Thoughts that I could not control started hammering at me. Those thoughts told me that the only way to escape the flooding of pain that had broken loose was to end my own life. At that time, I was not living. I was trying to survive and just get through the day. I was trying to figure out how to wake up each morning and just try to function it soon became so clear that what I needed was to be hospitalized. So I could safely adjust my medication with support. So I could have the space to completely let go of all that I was holding in a way that I would not hurt myself. And I needed to jump. And I needed to fall into a place where I was anonymous, where I could be watched and cared for in a way that the predetermined expectation of me wasn't there. So that I could really strip down to nothing and find myself and figure out what was real. And what were these learned behaviors that were hurting me. It is extremely hard for a perfectionist to need to go to the hospital for something so often seen in society as something not to be discussed. So I struggle, both with feeling really proud of my decision to say I need help. I know what I need. I don't care what people think I got to go to that feeling of maybe I was weak. And what will people think If I tell them and do people who love me really believe what happened. And then I really struggle with the shame that comes from that experience. That at this point, I take three to four medications, just to function and not always very well. And that can really feel tough and sometimes shameful. Like, what the heck? Why do I need all this just to be in the world. But I will say, as hard as it's been, and as hard as it may continue to be, I really love this person I am now she's a lot braver. She's so much more real. She still really struggles, but she is getting better at letting people in. And I am starting to understand that I do not take those medications, because I am some sort of Glass Castle. I take them to make a bridge to this woman coming alive in me who is hard for me to look at. She is bright. She is beautiful. She is messy, ugly, imperfect. She is human. So in recovery, I knew I needed to reclaim my voice as a woman. And as I started thinking about how to do that, I've thought about those dark days of postpartum depression with my first child over seven years ago. And I thought about what I would have given to hear a true experience from someone who had battled what I was battling, and have her words, put an arm around me and say it's normal. It's okay. You don't have to hide or hold it all. And so that's my mission. I created this podcast in the hopes of bringing women on to the show, not because they have figured it all out, not because they have arrived at the top of some sort of mountain, or that they have achieved at all, or that they have won that race. But instead sharing space with women who have faced crossroads of their own, who currently struggle with grief, or depression or challenges, who have a story to tell about letting their authentic self come out. And what they have won and what they have lost in the process. Women who like me, found it impossible to be their true selves when perfectionism was their demon. I am so interested in more of that conversation. And it is my hope that in all the voices you hear you find a moment here or there that makes you feel seen and heard and gives you hope and makes you believe that when you let perfect burn what's left is really, really beautiful. So stay with me. Each week we'll feature a new guest and everything you need to know about how to listen can be found on my Instagram page. Handle at let perfect burn. I can't wait to bring these stories to you. See you soon. Love Tara