Every Day A Little Death, With Actor, Singer, Musician & Songwriter, Eleri Ward

In this episode, I sit down with actor, singer, musician & songwriter, Eleri Ward. And if you have been listening to Let Perfect Burn,  then you have heard Eleri's incredible voice and her soulful original music.

This summer, Eleri is opening for Josh Groban for his "Harmony Tour". Her signature indie-folk sound is most notable on her album A Perfect Little Death. This album was produced by Ghostlight Records, and features Eleri’s covers of Stephen Sondheim classics. In speaking about her amazing upcoming summer adventure, Eleri says, “I’m going to be doing this alone with the guitar, but in front of thousands of people. I’m freaked out. But also, excited AF about it.”

The genesis of A Perfect Little Death came during Covid. Eleri took to her walk-in closet and created an arrangement of the Sondheim song that she couldn’t get out of her head. Her Joanna Reprise arrangement and homemade video was created the next day, and before long, her social media posts took off. Over the course of a month, she recorded all 13 songs to create the album. She had a friend mix and master it. She took a Polaroid of herself holding a guitar for the album. She says, “When something is truly raw and organic, you can feel it. And I can’t help but wonder if that’s the thing that people have responded to.”

Eleri uses her reach to encourage others to put their work into the world and to make art from their authentic selves. “There’s something about people continuing and truly putting themselves out there, even if it’s uncomfortable or no one’s watching. Because you don’t know what can happen to that work that you put out years from now.”

Highlights from Eleri:

"It can be hard for me to let go and just trust that the audience's reaction is the truth versus my own inner experience that no one else is seeing. And I'm just I'm really, really hard on myself. And I'm working on not being so hard on myself. But it's definitely a double edged sword, because it's like, that clearly has worked for me in terms of working hard and being the best that I can possibly be."

"And it's like, jeez girl, give yourself a break—you're a human being. And they gave you a standing O, and that should be reason enough to ease up on yourself and believe that the imperfections of that performance gave them a special experience that they'll never get if they watch a video."

"A lot of the time as an artist, you don't even realize the gifts that you're giving people. And that is a really beautiful thing. I can't stress enough how important it is to me for people to fearlessly and continuously put their work out there.  Because that is a gift they are giving, even if they have no idea they are giving it to somebody."

Don't Miss a Beat.
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https://www.instagram.com/letperfectburn/

Listen to All of Eleri Ward's Music & Catch Her Shows:
https://www.instagram.com/eleriward/

Transcript

Tara Beckett: 0:23

Hi, I'm Tara Beckett and welcome back to let perfect burn my guest today is actor singer, musician and songwriter Ellery ward. And if you listen to let perfect burn, then you have heard her incredible voice and her soulful, original music. Let's just say I was extremely lucky to have worked with Ellery before she blew up. Her indie folk album, a perfect little death has been produced by Ghostlight records, and it's open doors for Ellery to perform all over the country. This summer, she will open for Josh Groban. Ellery says of her amazing summer adventure. I'm going to be doing this alone with my guitar. But in front of 1000s of people. I'm freaked out, but also excited a f about it. Ellery created this album and her walk in closet during COVID. She says when something is truly raw and organic, you can feel it. And I can't help but wonder if that's the thing that people have responded to. I'm here with Ellery ward. She's a Chicago born actor, singer, musician and songwriter. And she wrote the original music for lit perfect burn podcast. She is known for indie folks on time album, a perfect little death. And Lea, I just have to say when I first heard this album, I remember I pulled my car over and I just stopped and listened to it because there was just something so amazing about your sound and what you were doing with these, you know, Broadway standards that I was like, this is something I gotta stop and listen to it. So I would just love if you took us from, you know, you resettle in New York City and what that five years has looked like for you. Yeah,

Eleri Ward: 2:21

I moved to New York, right out of college. So I spent the summer in Boston, and then moved to New York, in August of 2017. I knew that was always going to be my plan. And I, I just went headfirst into everything, not knowing any of the quote unquote, rules of auditioning or the process or how anything worked. I just auditioned for everything. It wasn't until kind of like the past year or so I think the pandemic really taught me this that I don't need to audition for absolutely everything anymore. And I can kind of fine tune what I'm inspired by and what feels right for me. But for the first three years, I really did go crazy. And it actually really paid off because it was my way of saying hello to the industry hello to casting directors and theaters that I had never met before or worked with before. And it paid off because the second year going into 2021 All the auditions I got up until I got an agent in September. I was called in for by casting directors that I've just formed relationships with over the past few years. So people do notice and take note of your work even if you're not getting callbacks every single time even if you're not booking everything. So I'm a huge advocate for that because I'm living proof that I went to everything got little to nothing in return. And then years later I'm being called back by these people because they've witnessed my work ethic and what I have to share. So that's been a that's been my like New York journey really has has been auditioning like crazy. And this sometimes stuff really didn't have anything to do with anything until last year, right? Yeah.

Tara Beckett: 4:39

Can you talk about the development of the Sondheim album and what make what made you choose Sondheim and how you recorded it? Yeah.

Eleri Ward: 4:50

It started in 2019. It was the height of audition season in New York City. And if you are someone who's never experienced that I'm envious, because it's really not the most fun thing. So, this one day, I saw a friend and an audition, and they asked me how I was doing. And the first thing that popped in my head was, oh, you know, every day a little death, because that's just how I was feeling. And I have this song title come out of my mouth as a way to explain it, explain how I'm feeling. I don't know. It's just, it's all intrinsic. And, therefore, I had the song stuck in my head. And when I have a song stuck in my head, I either listen to it obsessively, or I cover it, or sometimes both. And I'm not a very big fan of listening to Broadway cast recordings. So I decided to do a cover of it, just to get it out of my system. It was March 1 2019, when I made this video and in my room, because Jamie and my boyfriend was in the other room on meetings, and I had to get this out somehow. And it was like just quiet enough that I like, you know, not be heard by him. So I don't know, it just sort of came out. I didn't really know how to play guitar. I still don't. But like, at that point, I had begun teaching myself guitar in like summer fall of 2016. And I just sort of randomly played guitar here and there. At that point, I was still primary, primarily a pianist like that piano has been my home bass instrument for a while. And yeah, I had no idea what I was doing. But I just like created this little arrangement in my room and posted it to Instagram, which at that point, was just like my friends. And my friend Harper. She said, You need to make this a series. And I immediately was like, okay, yeah. Why not? Yeah. So the next day, I came up with my Joanna reprise arrangement and video.

Tara Beckett: 7:16

I love that song.

Eleri Ward: 7:19

So wild to think like, march 2 2019. I came up with that. Yeah, now it's 2022. And that's like, the thing that I'm known for. Yeah. Which is really weird. But yeah, and then after that, I just like sporadically made these videos just for my YouTube and my Instagram for my own personal enjoyment. It was like a no brainer that I was going to do joint a reprise as a single, but I was like, I have at least like eight other arrangements at this time. I couldn't make an album. It's amazing. And it's like, it's just acoustic guitar and some piano and my vocals, I can do that myself. I don't need to like, hire session musicians. For anything else. I don't need to it's so simple and stripped, I can just have my friend mix and master it for me. Otherwise, I'll produce it myself. It seemed pretty simple. And it was. And so I just took to my walk in closet, because at this time I was I was in Boston, because the pandemic sort of, you know, shifted all our lives in different ways and brought me to Boston. And that sweet, sweet COVID Deal. Got a walk in closet in there. I was like, Okay, great. Yeah. So yeah, over the course of a month, I recorded all 13 songs, and wow, some of them I even like workshopped as I was recording it. And that's how I created the arrangements, or at least finalized some of the arrangements. But yeah, I did it in a month in my closet, and then had my friend Tom mix and master it for me. I knew exactly what I wanted everything to sound like. And then I, I took a Polaroid of me holding a guitar. And I took a picture. I took a I took a picture of the Polaroid on my phone. Uh huh. And that's the album cover. So perfect.

Tara Beckett: 9:23

Yeah, I mean, I'm just taking by how you follow your impulse and made something incredible and people are really responding to it. And like you said, you didn't wait for this polished perfect scenario. It's like walk in closet, a Polaroid and some shit. I'm really passionate about let's go.

Eleri Ward: 9:47

Yeah, I mean, it's it also. I think this is part of why it's been so successful. i It's not my primary like thing. It's not like Oh, this is this is gonna make me a star like, you know, it was just for fun and because people enjoyed it and I didn't really put that much thought into it other than like, following my gut every step of the way. And I really think that's the serendipitous thing that made it what it is and made it. I don't know, when something is truly raw and organic, you can feel it. And I can't help but wonder that that's the thing that people have responded to with this. Yep. Because I've put a lot of effort into many other things. as well. But like, I think that's such a beautiful lesson. It's a really, really is and then I'm taking with me throughout everything else that I do.

Tara Beckett: 10:58

So tell me about what has happened since the release of this album and it took off took fire

Eleri Ward: 11:04

crazy things. When when you have a somewhat of an idea, or hope or a vision for what your career or your life is going to be. And then this thing happens and it's taken you in a completely different direction and opened you up to opportunities you never saw coming like that is what it it has been for me, which is I don't know, speaking of lessons like that's, that's a lesson where I'm just like, on this ride, and I'm letting it take me. I had no idea that this album would ever get picked up by a label when I was trying to just like do promotion myself, because at this point, I was just gonna release it independently as I had done all of my other music. And he said, I don't want to get in the way of your release. But I just I really wish that Ghostlight was releasing this album. And I said, Well, maybe we can make that happen. Yeah, no, like, releases get changed and move all the time. So yeah, you could

Tara Beckett: 12:13

arrange that.

Eleri Ward: 12:14

Right. Yeah. And so that was a huge thing. And then my album came out June 4, last year, through Ghostlight. And I, I just I didn't know the impact that this thing would have up until this point. And I've played so many shows. I've made so many connections with people that I've always admired and have worked and like collaborated with people I've always admired as well and I am going to continue to do so which is really cool. And yeah, so then the ghostly people set up. They booked me a show at Rockwood Music Hall. I did two shows on October 4. It was like my debut like solo show to celebrate this album release. And at the second show, Kevin Gore who's the president of Warner Chappell music. He came with Josh Groban. And I was sitting there like playing all the songs on my guitar. Looking at this intimate room and like looking into Josh Griffin's is as I'm like singing, and I'm like, this weirdly feels normal. Like, okay, and after the show, I met him and he was lovely. And Kevin was lovely. And Josh mesh messaged me the day after the show just thanking me for I don't even know. Well, yeah, music. Yeah, it's just like, it's, it's hard for me to grasp that. I have something like a gift to give as all artists do. Yeah, it's just a little strange to to look in the mirror, and that'd be you. Especially to someone like Josh. But yeah, we kind of message back and forth. And he was lovely. And we've kind of remained friends since then. And in early December, he called me and he asked me if I would be the opener for his summer arena tour. Amazing. And it was, it was really surprising and validating moments that I did not expect. And so I was just sort of like, okay, well, I'll like talk to you tomorrow and I'll let this like a settle I didn't want to be like too hot to try and be like yes were exactly, um, but yeah, it has all worked out. And I'm going on tour with Josh Grove in the summer. So it's just gonna be me and the guitar, which is like thrilling and scary. And like, I'm thinking about me who like, this project started in my apartment alone, not for anybody in your closet. Yeah. And now I'm going to be doing this alone with the guitar, but in front of 1000s of people. I'm just like, I'm freaked out. But like, I excited a f

Tara Beckett: 15:48

I just was wondering, you know, with all these things that have been going so Right, right, like, what do you face like either demons or just challenges that you're facing as this is happening to your career?

Eleri Ward: 16:01

Oh, my God, I'm, I've been someone who's struggled with performance, anxiety and nerves, literally my whole life, since I was a tiny little child. And that's never really gone away, and I'm getting better at handling it. But it's still such a head game for me. And it can be hard for me to let go and just trust that the audience's reaction is the truth versus my own inner experience that no one else is seeing. And I'm just I'm really, really hard on myself. And I'm working on not being so hard on myself. But it's definitely a double edged sword, because it's like, that clearly has worked for me in terms of working hard and being the best that I can possibly be. But then on the other end of it, it's like, I can just judge myself to no end and beat myself up. And it's not nice. So I definitely struggle with that. And always have and I will continue to, but hopefully it just becomes easier to manage, it's like the problem stays the same, but how we react to it, we get better at it. I found my therapist early last year. And it was just like such a search for like months on end. And I feel like I hit the jackpot. And I lucked out. Because we do EMDR, which is like you are tapping your body to connect your mind and your body. So I'm someone where I know all the facts of my situation. And I know what my issues are, I know where I want to be and what I want to do to get better. But my body reaction, it has been in such a habitual cycle that even when I know the facts, my body is still you know, going through its normal thing. And so connecting the facts with my physical, physiological reaction to things has been like a really big journey for me. And it's, it's helped so much. And I feel like I'm just embarking on this, and there's so much more work to be done. But I'm really grateful for where I've gotten up until this point. And just knowing that, like, it doesn't have to be the same for forever, because that was a fear of mine was like, am I going to be this way for ever? Yes. Because in the moment, it feels that way. Yeah, it does. And then I've been going through this strange kind of recalibration of like, it's getting better, but my body's like, wait, but we usually do this. Like, I'm someone who, I have a lot of fear about forgetting lyrics. And it can spiral me into oblivion, and I have trouble trusting myself. And I'm so used to practicing to no end to drill it so hard. And now I'm at a point where I don't actually have to do that so much. And my body is like, Wait, please practice more because you you can't you can't trust that you're going to know everything just after this amount of practice, you need more. And it's like just because I used to need that much to like, put my mind at ease doesn't mean that I need to do it. The same thing now, especially with material that I've been doing for a few months now, like, yeah, it's okay. You're okay. And that's just that's been. That's been, I think the biggest obstacle that I recently would like to overcome is like, you, you don't need to operate in the same way anymore because you're at a different place now. Even this past week, when I performed in St. Louis, I had, I put a lot of pressure on myself again. And while it wasn't as dramatic as my high school self, I found myself after the show that I had done, just berating myself for not being perfect. And it made me really upset that I was being so judgmental. It actually I was actually more upset about my judgment than about not doing my personal best. Yep, I was super raw. There were like, technical issues at the start that like, messed up my head and like, stuff like that. And like, that's just live entertainment. That's kind of happened. And I was emotional throughout, which kind of like messed things up. But it was from a real place. So I'm fine with that. But yeah, I was I was more upset that I was judging myself for these like, little mistakes that I made throughout the show that the audience loved, right. And I was like, oh, maybe I'm not as as far as I thought I was in in this kind of performance headspace that I've been working on for the past almost year. And it made me feel like I I was like, overconfident in my own ability to master my, my headspace while performing. And it's like, cheese girl, like, give yourself a break, you're a human being. And they gave you a standing Oh, and that should be reason enough to like, ease up on yourself and say, the imperfections of that performance gave them a special experience that they'll never get if they watch a video. And so over the past few days, like coming off of this performance, I've just really been processing that. And it's like, pay this is the first time I've really had like kind of a meltdown after a performance. That actually overall was a success. And I'm just like really taking stock of that and like trying to, I don't know, ease up on myself more and more as I go through these experiences and take them all as a learning experience and a lesson for my own inner self.

Tara Beckett: 23:19

I feel like you are making a difference in other artists life, right to expose some of these feelings that happen when you perform. Or just you know how many times you had to do the audition circuit before something started to track. Can you talk a little bit about just what you think your role is as like an artist for other artists?

Eleri Ward: 23:45

Yeah, I mean, that's something I've been, I guess, learning about myself over the past year, because I've never been someone who like people have like, looked up to before because I've never really had a platform. And now to get the messages that I get from people saying like seeing your tiktoks I felt so much better and like more confident going into this audition, or you've inspired me to start singing again after not for a few years. I mean, I get so emotional reading these messages because I think gives me that much more purpose. Yeah, what I'm doing. And it's not just about me enjoying making these things in my room anymore. It actually does impact people in a positive way. And kind of what I said earlier as artists, we give people gifts. Yep. And a lot of the time as an artist, you don't even realize the gifts that you're giving people. And that is a really beautiful thing. I I can't stress enough how important it is to me For people to fearlessly and continuously put their work out there, because that is a gift they are giving, even if they have no idea, they are giving it to somebody. And it it means something like you have no idea who's watching, you have no idea who's taking note or paying attention to what you're doing, unless they tell you, but sometimes you really have no clue you could change someone's life. I made a video the other day of like, a year ago, me and talking to me now. Yes. And I was like, truly not in a good place a year ago. And I just wanted to kind of emphasize how much life and things can change in a year. Just by continuously putting yourself out there. And someone commented saying, I think you're going to like save someone's life by sharing this, this arc. So, so openly. And that hit me so deeply. Because if I can be the thing that makes someone continue going on where otherwise they wouldn't. I just, I feel like I've done my duty. And it's it's a whole so much more gravity than anything else I've ever put out there before.

Tara Beckett: 26:39

There's two ways you can die, right? There's like your physical death. But there's also you know, something I was going through for almost a decade, you can sort of pull yourself away from life so much that you're, you know, dead emotionally or dead, spiritually or dead with your art. And I just feel like you do have that power with your music that when you listen to your work, there's just something that comes alive and people and I think that is a huge beautiful thing.

Eleri Ward: 27:09

Thank you. It's yeah, it's something I never have experienced before or expected to experience before. And now that I I know that there are people who look up to me in this way, and I have positively impacted their lives. I'm like, Okay, why I can't stop ever doing this.

Tara Beckett: 27:31

It's amazing. And please don't I know we have to wrap up. Let perfect burn. What does it mean to you?

Eleri Ward: 27:42

It means that if you have the choice between living your life and being perfect, you should choose living your life.

Tara Beckett: 27:55

I love it. Ellery it's been such a joy, such a pleasure. And every time the music plays on my podcast, I will just feel a little bit more connected to you. I love following your work. Can you just let everybody know who's listening? How to keep following you how to see you. Just so that they can you know keep in touch?

Eleri Ward: 28:16

Absolutely. You can find me at Ella reward on Instagram, Tik Tok Twitter. And you can also visit my website I'll reward.com where I have all of the things that you could possibly think of on there. But yeah, I'm I'm everywhere. I'm on Spotify, Apple Music. I've got a perfect little death out there. I've got original music out there. So yeah, pretty easy to find me.

Tara Beckett: 28:42

Definitely everybody go and check it out. And I think you will be touched and changed by that album. And I wish you all the best thing as you continue on your crazy journey and you're killing it, girl.

Eleri Ward: 28:57

Thank you. Thank you for having me,

Tara Beckett: 28:59

of course and take care Ellie All righty. Perfect.